pink overload

I'm in pink.

Pink bag. Pink bracelet. Pink earings. Pink pendant. Pink undies.

This is my version of a therapy.

Yesterday I have participated on my *very first* debate competition for this school year. Unfortunately we were not able to break.

In all honesty I know for a fact that I was not compeletly ready, but I also knew that we had a good chance. We did our best that day and I would say that my team mates and I improved more and more. That's what upsets me the most. Knowing that we CAN do it but we didn't (no pun intended). I am not undermining other teams nor am I saying that the adjudication is unfair, but I really believe that we deserved to break. I am trying to forget about this whole thing but I can't. Not because I'm a sour loser but because this made me think - am I good enough? Good enough in the sense that, have I improved at all? am I even good? do I even have the slightest potential? is it too late for me to pursue this?

They said before that I had the potential. Back then I believed them, but then time drag on and my potential remained in potency. I'm not sure if I still have that potential.

I'm thinking of joining TDC. Back in highschool, I have already told myself that when I reach college I'm gonna debate. I even searched through the orgs of UST to see if they have an organization for debating! And then when I reached my freshman year, I decided I wanted to learn the basics first so as to be somehow presentable when I try-out for TDC. And now I'm in second year, going to my third year and I have so many regrets that keep flashing back to me.

What happened yesterday threw all my regrets from the past back to my face.

And so I'm wearing pink. ... now I think I need a sundae.